Truth & Transformation Together
- Jun 27, 2020
- 4 min read
Updated: 2 days ago
Firstly, you may be wondering why I am writing this?
Lately I have been hearing people deeply struggle with fear, shame and trauma due to Covid-19 and toxic racial inequality. June 27th is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Awareness Day in many countries such as Australia and the USA. Recently, a friend asked me to participate in the #25DayPushUpChallenge (to raise awareness of PTSD). With time and reflection, I’m hoping that this reflection and the artwork may be an act of solidarity, empowering others, unifying with hope and healing.
When you swiftly hear the sound of an ambulance siren, I wonder, what do you think about?
Perhaps you wonder where the ambulance is going and who it is helping. I want to just wonder those things, but previously, when I would hear that particular sound, it would be like my thumb and middle finger click together... *snap*... my thoughts transported back to 2011… boom… heart pounding, fear would pulse through me. Past memories would flood my thoughts like water soaking a paper towel....
And what might we call this thing that zoomed me back, this time-travelling airline of sorts? I know it well as PTS.
PTS (Post Traumatic Stress, aka PTSD) is basically like a portal back to the past. After a traumatic event/s, one’s mind can create space for one’s nervous system to relive events like they are happening today; affecting the body as well as the mind. A person may experience PTS because of one or several life events. These life events involve extreme fear and anxiety because of a situation involving imminent danger (examples include but are not limited to; war, natural disasters, domestic violence, abuse). In the wake of the 2011 earthquake, I tried everything to avoid admitting that there was anything wrong. I didn’t understand what was happening and remember thinking… “why can’t I just get over it?”. As it turns out, my symptoms were really a sign, my body was saying; "hey, I just need a bit of help to understand what is happening". So, why was I reluctant?
I was ashamed and afraid.
If I were to encounter a person with an illness of any kind I would never tell them that they should be ashamed. And yet, I did that to myself. It seems to me that shame is like an alluring island with free unlimited residency. It looks good from a distance, is tough to leave and clothed me for free with a false sense of security.
“Proclaim the truth and do not be silent through fear.” ~ St Catherine of Siena
I’ll admit I’m still a little afraid to tell my story, to let veritas (the truth) free like a lion. When I was struggling, I realised there were two options. Choose fear, stay on the shame island and do nothing; “she’ll be right, I don’t have a problem." Or, choose vulnerability and keep searching for truth; “I’m struggling and I need to have a yarn about this.”
I have gone with Pope Francis words and chose vulnerability; "There is no Christian mission marked by tranquillity!"
“Work on with constancy and courage” ~ St. Mary MacKillop 1876
These words from St Mary MacKillop can touch all our hearts as we journey on. Nowadays, I continue to develop an ongoing healing relationship with this time-travelling airline of sorts. I have healthy supports. Healing has also come through patient support from family, friends, and I am deeply grateful to be part of a supportive community. All is gift, we are all very much human and journey together to serve. As Desmond Tutu reminds us; "My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together."
When the sound of a siren next radiates in your ears, may it give strength in unity, perhaps sparking a reminder to gratefully trust in truth and transformation together. Love is forever, forever making all things new...
~ Jane
"Moonless darkness stands between.
Past, the Past, no more be seen!
But the Bethlehem-star may lead me
To the sight of Him Who freed me
From the self that I have been.
Make me pure, Lord: Thou art holy;
Make me meek, Lord: Thou wert lowly;
Now beginning, and alway:
Now begin, on Christmas day."
~ Gerard Manley Hopkins SJ
Note: All works featuring St Mary MacKillop incorporate material owned by the Trustees of the Sisters of Saint Joseph, which are used with permission under licence.
You may also be wondering what to do if you identify with my story, or if you know of someone that might.
1. Please contact a medical professional immediately if you are having thoughts of self-harm or significant distress.
2. Seeing your GP is a wise first step as they can refer you to a psychologist or counsellor.
3. Consulting a spiritual director regularly is very helpful to deepen one’s relationship with God / PTS.
4. Keeping active and maintaining a healthy diet helps with the healing process.
5. There are loads of great resources online. Just a couple of examples: Beyond Blue, Black Dog Institute. An excellent book: The Body Keeps the Score.
If you’re a friend or relative please be patient, he/she/they may have days when your presence is all that is needed. They may need quiet time to settle their nervous system. Acceptance and unconditional love is key. Simply ask, perhaps check in with a story or a bad joke now and again. You can help to create new memories by going for a walk, seeing a movie, an art gallery or talking about sport or culture. To show solidarity you can share a post on social media using the hashtags: #NationalPTSDAwarenessDay #PTSDAwareness #PTSDrecovery
Arohanui
~ Jane
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Teal is also the colour that represents PTSD awareness.
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